Test drive Toyota Alphard

AvtoTachki's great friend Matt Donnelly traveled in a Japanese minivan and explained how you can buy two for the price of one car, why you no longer need Tinder and what is the recipe for happiness

Toyota Alphard is a luxury and very modern minivan, such a fashionable interpretation of a limousine for VIPs. In Japan, a middle-level businessman or gangster who is offered this car as a "company car" can be confident that he has succeeded. But if you are in America, and your wife, girlfriend or whoever is watching a brochure with minivans - beware, she is almost certainly pregnant.

Wikipedia told me that Alphard is Arabic for "hermit, loner." This, of course, is far from the most ideal naming, but it makes sense - you will never see too many of these cars on the streets of Moscow. The purchase of such a minivan requires too individual customer request: this is not an ordinary limousine, despite its purpose, and not an ordinary representative of light commercial vehicles, although it looks like it.

This Toyota combines at least two vehicles. The one you see from the outside started life like an unnamed brick (our test car was exactly the shade of black that emphasized its inconspicuousness as much as possible). The side view is so severe that there is a chance that you will not immediately guess which way the minivan is going. In terms of aerodynamics, there are no clues. As well as it is not immediately clear where the motor is hidden. Obviously, he must be here to move such a pile of metal, but where exactly is a mystery.

The creators of Alphard solved the problem simply - they stuck a huge chrome grille and called this part of the car the front. This massive structure takes up almost the entire front end, and the headlights and other necessary elements are somehow built into the grille.

In general, it looks very original - something like these strange Scottish cats without ears. If you are the type of driver who sits on the tail of a car in front and drives it off the lane, then this is not your car. This Toyota is not intimidating when you see it in the rearview mirror.

At the back, there are a pair of villainous red-eye-lights with massive eyebrows and an overhanging plastic wing that looks like booted hair. The overall effect of the rear end is 1950s wicked rock and roll. This solution contrasts quite strongly with the look of the front, which looks like a Scottish kitten in a mask from Star Wars.

The second car you get when you buy an Alphard is the one inside. And one of the most amazing things about her is how much of her there is. The third row of seats here is the best I've ever seen. These are real seats with plenty of headroom and legroom, with cup holders, climate controls, separate speakers and seat belts that you can use without fear of strangling the passenger if they nod.

There are only three problems with the last row of seats:

1. Loading up on it requires some subtlety, which is inherent in either the extremely youthful or those with an eating disorder. The space between the second row and the edge of the tailgate is so narrow that getting there is like finding a secret garden. Therefore, it seems to me that very few people will be able to calmly get to the third row and enjoy its space. This leads us to believe that most of the time the Alphard is a very comfortable four-seater with the ability to carry additional children.
2. When the rear seats are folded out, there is no room for luggage in the car. From the seat back to the rear window, it's just a couple of centimeters. That is, you cannot put your briefcases, handbags and coats anywhere except on the floor around the second row.
3. When the third row is folded down, there is still little room for luggage. That's the reason the back row is so spacious. The chairs here are real, large and do not fold down at all into the floor. Everything you transport will have to be placed on top of the folded seats: fragile items must either be adhered to by passengers or lie on the floor next to the second row.

The second row of seats is not a row at all. These are two independent, massive recliners that are close to being able to turn into a bed - the same one you find aboard an airplane if you fly first class.

The test car's specification level is called the Business Lounge, and the second row here is the soul of the car. Not the one that steals youth and enthusiasm from people. In the US, buying a minivan is like signing a declaration to remove Tinder from your phone. And in Japan, a minivan is a vehicle for transporting the most valuable cargo. That is, a big boss.

So, the second row has an infinite number of positions, supports, massages, a foot rest area, a large flat screen, a climate control system, plush rugs, the world's largest windows, a folding wooden table, sockets, lighting settings (there are sixteen color options ).

Moreover, there are even buttons that control the front seat and can push the passenger into the dashboard. BUT! From the second row, you can't switch the radio, use a synchronized phone, or climb into the cooling glove box.

I thought about this for a long time and came to the conclusion that the Japanese boss always has a personal assistant at hand who will turn on both heating and cooling at the very moment when the boss needs it, serve his favorite beer, turn on the desired channel on the radio, or TV, and decide which calls to ignore and which to answer.

The second row is just incredibly cool. I could stand up almost to my full height. And at one point I had to change into Alphard - isn't that the most difficult capacity test? Yes, and it also took an incredible effort for me not to fall asleep in the car: the sound insulation is excellent, the suspension absorbs everything to such an extent that it seems as if you are flying, not driving.

Lying down and looking up through the panoramic roof is arguably the most relaxing passenger experience I've ever had. I am the same person who never sleeps in a car, unless he was drunk, Alphard made me switch off in the morning and in the evening.

This Toyota is amazingly comfortable. Beware of just one thing - the armrests on these chic chairs. They are clearly aimed at Japanese businessmen, not big-boned Europeans - this is not a car for aspiring sumo wrestlers.

From the driver's point of view, the car is also fine. Toyota traditionally does everything well and thinks it through. This is not an explosion of new technology: there are no awesome options or geek toys, and of course the Alphard won't catch the attention of out-of-the-box racing fans.

All of the controls are roughly where you'd expect to find them in any Toyota sedan, only they're a little more vertical. The driving position is great, but I'm not entirely objective: I like driving minivans. Here you always sit more upright than in a regular car, and I think I look cooler that way because I don't slouch.

Somewhere under the hood and behind the grille is an athletic 3,5-liter gasoline engine that works in tandem with a standard gearbox. Proven technique from a serious supplier: This is not a story about cool adventure or romance, but a very encouraging bunch.

What is really very, very interesting from a technical point of view is how the Japanese put all the mechanisms inside. I do not understand. Surely this car must be serviced by some special service, which has special tools to get through this radiator grill to the engine.

The engine is enough to push this brick forward with more than acceptable acceleration and provide good response to the gas pedal. At the same time, of course, no breathtaking boost. Well, as I already said, the noise insulation and suspension here cope with the outside world so much that driving this car, frankly, is a little boring: nothing bad or super exciting will happen to you.

The minivan drives well, plus it has a surprisingly small turning radius. The swing-out tailgate ensures that you can squeeze into a small parking space while still getting out of the car. The Alphard is high enough, so watch out for underground car parks that are too low. But in any case, a car with so much free space for people does not need much space either on the road or in the parking lot.

What else I was really surprised at was the lack of a rear view camera. I assumed it was either a bug, or I'm too stupid to enable it, or it broke. Turns out the camera is an option, and someone decided that this particular car didn't need one. This someone is a real nutcase because the blind spots on the Alphard are huge: backing up is a monstrous gamble.

If you buy this minivan, make sure to check the box next to the "rear view camera" box, or just hope that all the objects will run away from this red-eyed rock monster in horror.

I would buy this car because my child fell in love with it. He actually paid attention to all the cars that I drove home, but this one especially interested him. The little lover of gadgets and buttons could not tear himself away from the door control panel, and the sliding doors had a hypnotic effect on him, his classmates and several of their fathers. A huge pile of metal deftly moving in space almost silently is great entertainment.

My wife also loves cars. She looked gorgeous in Alphard and repeated that none of her acquaintances had one. I can say that Alphard is responsible for at least two miracles. First, my son voluntarily surrendered his iPad to play with the car. Second, as a family, we unanimously agreed that we like this car. Happy families and extra sleep are a recipe for happiness for me.

A type	Minivan
Dimensions (length / width / height), mm	4915/1850/1895
Wheelbase, mm	3000
Curb weight, kg	2190-2240
engine's type	Petrol
Working volume, cubic meters cm	3456
Max. power, h.p.	275 (at 6200 rpm)
Max twist. moment, Nm	340 (at 4700 rpm)
Drive type, transmission	Front, 6АКП
Max. speed km / h	200
Acceleration from 0 to 100 km / h, s	8,3
Fuel consumption (mixed cycle), l / 100 km	10,5
Price from, $.	40 345