Saab 9-3 Swedish Rhapsody on Ice
In fact, this is something that I have never done in our wide brown country.
None of them sit next to a 60-year-old lunatic; as he races a Saab 9-3 Turbo X down a snowy forest trail at around 200 km/h with only a wall of snow and a disastrous trip into the trees separating us.
However, for former rally champion Per Eklund and the Saab Ice Experience team, it's all day to day.
Each year, they bring together small groups of journalists for a deep dive into Saab's history, the development of its cars, and what makes Sweden different from the rest of the world.
It all takes place deep within the Arctic Circle, in a white wonderland that is as far away from Australia as you can imagine.
It's beautiful in a desert sense, which contrasts with the hot, dusty plains of the hinterland, but a huge shock when you land in minus 20 after taking off from Australia in plus 30.
The Saab Ice Experience has a special hook this year, as the company is set to unveil its first all-wheel-drive vehicles in the showrooms.
If that sounds a little out of the ordinary given the extremely slippery winter conditions in Sweden and most of Europe, it took Saab some time to raise the money and enthusiasm to move away from its traditional front-wheel drive.
But he's going to put more than 200kW to the road with limited-edition 9-3 Aero X and Turbo X models that are close to local showrooms.
These are family cars, not Lancer Evo-style road rockets, so Saab found it necessary to switch to an all-pawl clutch.
“If it works here, it works anywhere,” says Saab chief engineer Anders Tisk.
“We do it the way Saab does, with the latest Haldex drive system. It's always on, always four-wheel drive."
"We want it to end up on all of our models because of safety."
Saab calls their system cross-drive, spelled XWD, and there's no doubt they've put a lot of work into the task, from connecting the gearbox to the electronic brain that controls the Aero X's active rear differential.
The tech talk is nice, and the Saab people, who now work as part of the GM Premium Brands team in Australia, where the family includes Hummer and Cadillac, are warm and welcoming. But we want to ride.
Soon enough, we're standing on a frozen Swedish lake next to silver Turbo X automatic vans.
Per Eklund, former world rally champion who still wins rallycross in a very special Saab 9-3, introduces us to the event.
The idea is that we'll run through some safety demos and exercises before we have some fun for a while on the spinning route; which was cut from 60 cm deep snow covering the ice.
“We start a little slow to get a good feeling; later we might have some fun,” says Eklund. “Here you have the opportunity to try everything that these new Saabs have, such as all-wheel drive and a turbocharged engine.”
Eklund points to the 100 steel studs in each tire that provide some traction, but also points to a waiting bulldozer — with a towline active every day — as it transitions to a driving technique alert.
“Many people close their eyes when something goes wrong. It's not a very good decision,” he says with typical deadpan Swedish humor.
“You have to drive cars. Eventually computers will do it for you, but not today.”
“Always do something. Don't stop moving. Otherwise, there will be some problems - and you have the opportunity to take some good shots while the tractor comes to pull you out.
So, we get down to business and quickly realize that a simple braking exercise on ice is much more difficult than on dry bitumen.
Try also turning the wheel to dodge an imaginary elk (a man in a winter suit with horns on his head), and easily provoke a potential disaster.
Things heat up when we hit the winding forest trail to have some fun and see what a XNUMXxXNUMX is really capable of. Many.
It seems incredible that any car can go that fast with so much control, though it's easy to slide over the limit and into loose drifts. The tractor gets some work done, including one tow for us.
We learn about the need to behave gently, smoothly and elegantly in order to drive well in such conditions - lessons that should return to everyday driving without an icy edge.
Then Eklund and another rally champion, Kenneth Backlund, show us how it's really done when they jump into a pair of black Aero X's fitted with skinny winter tires and giant rally studs for extra grip.
While we struggled through icy corners at 60 km/h, Eklund and Backlund slide sideways at over 100 km/h on an icy lake before uncorking the Saab on a deep snow rally mockup in the woods.
They are stupidly fast, the speedometer needle is spinning at around 190 km / h, but the cars feel safe, reliable, comfortable and hot.
So what's different? Other than drivers and studs, absolutely nothing. This is a showroom Saab, exactly like the cars that arrive in Australia. And it's very impressive.
So what have we learned? Probably not much, other than the quality of the new Saab all-wheel drive and the potential for a significant increase in Saab sales in Australia once the Aero X and Turbo X hit our shores.
But the experience of driving on ice reminded me of the need to learn how to drive well - very well - in order to get the most out of my car and avoid the nasty accidents that are so common on Australian roads.
Make a mistake on an ice track and you'll get an infamous white-material tow for one more run, but there's no second chance on the road in the real world.
